Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch.
Some tough news: I've discovered my daughter got confused by the word "editor" and instead tells people that her mom is a predator.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) April 3, 2023
Told my 2yo we could do something just me and him this afternoon and asked what he wanted to do and he said "Can I have a meltdown?" Honestly, sure, this advanced warning is great for planning purposes, and appreciate it.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) April 5, 2023
Lol my daughter told me lately at school recess she’s been gardening and I was like what and she said “I asked the recess teacher if I could just have a bit of earth”
— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) April 1, 2023
All right, Little boxes of Fruit Loops!
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 1, 2023
-My kids walking into a $27.99 per person resort breakfast buffet.
I called the family for dinner and no one came so I ate a hot meal in absolute peace omg you guys food actually tastes like stuff
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) April 3, 2023
My toddler tripped over one of her toys and fell to the ground but instead of crying she just laid down on the floor as if that was what she meant to do all along
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) April 3, 2023
My 11-year-old made a grocery list and the only item on it was cake. I have so much to learn from her.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 4, 2023
“I’m almost at the end of my childhood and pretty soon I’ll be a teenager”, my 6yo, trying to ruin my day, apparently
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) April 2, 2023
If you’re over 50 and go into a bounce house, you deserve whatever injury you’re about to get.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) April 3, 2023
this is true. little kids say the wildest stuff and it is more often than not very funny. a few weeks ago my son looked me dead in the eyes and said “daddy, did you know people are meat?” https://t.co/bDl0ffZwp0
— b-boy bouiebaisse (@jbouie) April 7, 2023
My kid: Mommy’s mad.
— Michele (@marvelousmrsmom) April 6, 2023
Husband: No she’s not. She told me she was fine.
My kid: I’ve known mommy for less years than you and even I know “I’m fine” means that she is definitely mad.
Pro tip: if your kids ask you for an app and say it’s free, in two days you’ll get charged $80.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) April 6, 2023
Me: Ohhhh sweetie, you have....
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) April 6, 2023
My teen: OMG! LET ME LIVE MY LIFE!
Me, now whispering: ...your leggings on inside out, but please... go live your life.
Playing I Spy With My Little Eye with my 5 year old daughter, who has now spied “something white” for three consecutive turns. Please send beer. pic.twitter.com/UF5cFOuY8q
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) April 2, 2023
I kicked 10 and 8 out of the house to play. They're currently on the trampoline sliding around and shocking each other so bad they're screaming in pain. Being a kid is magical.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) April 2, 2023
Nothing ruins your favorite movie quite like watching it with your children
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) April 2, 2023
Family vacation is 80% waiting in line, 70% getting annoyed at your family, 200% spending more money than you wanted to, 50% failed attempts at taking cute photos of your kids, and 10% enjoying the activities.
— Satirical Mommy (@SatiricalMommy) April 6, 2023
The math checks out trust me.
Three things I wish I knew before I had kids:
— The Dad (@thedad) April 2, 2023
1) Nobody’s perfect
2) Never ask what they want for dinner
3) The winning Powerball numbers
For my son’s birthday we got his girlfriend a new hoodie.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) April 1, 2023
Last night, I hid the Oreos under my son's folded clothes in a basket and asked him to put it away... which he SWEARS he did.
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) April 7, 2023
Now he's standing in front of the pantry freaking out that the Oreos are gone. Who wants to tell him?
my kids are upset because they can’t think of april fools pranks because “they’re just kids” so i told them the biggest joke of all is growing up and cried
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 1, 2023
i don’t think i helped anything
Funny how my kid knows the answer to everything unless it's something I specifically asked.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) April 2, 2023
7YO: Daddy you’re so talented
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) April 3, 2023
Me: Awww Thank Y..
7YO: …last night your snoring sounded like a pig was beat boxing
