One of the wise people of the past once said that the mistakes of doctors and teachers cost humanity the most. I don’t know about the whole of humanity (I’m not so wise as to think so globally), but within the framework of one person, parents' mistakes definitely cost the most.
Yes, that's right, and nothing else. Because often the mistakes that our parents (or we as parents ourselves) make then affect the lives of children too much, and cause too much pain. Such as, for example, the mistakes listed in this viral thread in the AskReddit community.
#1
“I fed you, bathed you and made sure I kept a roof over your head. Now you owe ME.”
Image credits: janejennie
#2
Turning a child against their other parent. Parental alienation because *you* hate the other parent. So damn selfish.
Image credits: Immajustbrowse19
#3
Using the children for content
Image credits: Quiet-Rip-6063
In fact, we are not talking about egregious cases at all, like insults or beatings. It happens that carelessly thrown words, unexpressed attention or sympathy, and just a lack of mental warmth cause no less pain. Unfortunately, these cases happen all over the place. And almost all of us have in our memory some resentment against our parents...
#4
Letting your kid(s) annoy people without repercussions ex: Kicking the back of an airline seat
Image credits: _three_piece_suit
#5
Belittling your child's hobbies and interests just because they are different from what you like. Your child is their own person, not just a miniature copy of you.
Image credits: Random-Username7272
#6
If you're always pointing out the negative of your kids personality or ability, they are going to live up to that. Accentuate the positive.
Image credits: TimeTraveler3056
On the other hand, which one of us is perfect? Even the best parents make mistakes sometimes. "Have you made mistakes as a parent? Join the club. The bad news is that you're human, like all parents. So we all fall short," writes Laura Markham, PhD., in her column for Psychology Today. "The good news is, your child does not need perfect parents. In fact, if your child sees you as perfect, he'll feel worse about himself, since he knows he's not. What your child needs from you is a model of how to be a graceful human."
"That means admitting when you've been wrong. Being willing to grow. Giving yourself support to do better. Working hard to regulate your own emotions instead of acting like a crazy person, no matter what your child does."
#7
Cussing at or insulting your children, especially in public.I was in the electronics section of Walmart the other day and a kid was nearby looking at video games. The mother, presumably, comes over and starts dropping F bombs at him, saying she didn’t have money for any “stupid f’ing” games and to get his “dumbass” over here etc.
Broke my heart. I grew up poor. I new we couldn’t afford many toys or video games, but I would always hang out in the toy aisle or video game area while my mom would shop for groceries. Then she would come get me when she was done. No yelling, as she knew where I was the whole time. I knew we couldn’t afford those things so I never asked. I just wanted to admire everything. This poor kid could’ve been doing the same. Just window shopping, knowing he couldn’t have anything.
Image credits: Exotic-Squirrel
#8
Refusing to admit to their child that they were wrong or made a mistake. It's really common to feel like you can never admit to being wrong because it would undermine your authority, but all you're doing is modeling emotional immaturity, breeding resentment, and setting your child up for terrible relationship dynamics in the future.
Image credits: goosie7
#9
1. Give kid an order to do something without instructing them on what to do.2. Watch them fail at the task and then berate their intelligence and swear at them.
Image credits: folklorebetty
However, understanding the problem is essentially the first step towards solving it. So if you saw yourself in one of the points of our selection today, do not rush to get upset. There is always a chance to fix things. Almost always. As Georgie Gray, ISW-S, a therapist in private practice, outlined in YourTeenMag, after realizing a mistake, you need to, firstly, apologize to the child, and secondly, respond with intention, rather than reacting in anger.
Next, just try to set limits when you're calm and talk about them with your child. And, of course, work hard to repair the relationship with them. No one says that this path will be short and easy. But parenting is not about taking the easy way at all, is it?
#10
I met a 300 pound 12 year old girl. All her mom fed her was Burger King.
Image credits: Wooden-Discount7884
#11
Not bothering to get a child a diagnosis when it’s needed. Usually the reasons are the parents don’t want to deal with the stigma of the diagnosis and/or don’t want the extra work of appointments/therapies/etc.
Image credits: paul_rudds_drag_race
#12
"I'm big, you're little. I'm smart, you're dumb. I'm right, you're wrong."
Image credits: Worried_pet_Potato
In any case, the main thing is not so much not to make any mistakes in raising children, but not to repeat them and, of course, not to make them the norm. So please feel free to scroll to the very end of this list and maybe add some more of your own ideas which parenting mistakes are best avoided in order to make your kid's childhood as it should be - sunny, joyful and happy.
#13
Forcing kids to hug people when they don’t want to
Image credits: CrystalQueen3000
#14
Getting more upset by the people your uncontrolled kids are bothering in restaurants/airplanes/etc. than your kids’ terrible behavior.
Image credits: smp501
#15
When your child is scared of you
Image credits: WiccanNonbinaryWitch
#16
Shoving a screen in front of your 2 year old's face to keep them entertained 24/7.
Image credits: Gimmesumfreespeech
#17
Taking someone's door away. I never understood some parents who did this.
Image credits: Awkotaco95
#18
"My parents did it to me and I turned out fine!"
Image credits: howboutthat101
#19
Shaming their child in front of people. Also, not teaching their child manners. Simple please and thank you can go a long way.
Image credits: teacherof4sand5s
#20
Thinking you know more about the kids mental state than they do."Pfft, I know you're not depressed, I would know!" Oh really? Because you didn't notice the self-harm scars until I pointed it out. 3 years later.
I've seen this situation play out far too often. Listen to your kid, you do not know them better than they know themselves, no one does.
Image credits: TheNerdMaster69
#21
This is a personal one..... staying in a loveless marriage. My parents are in one but don't get divorced and it f****d me up real good.
Image credits: JKolodne
#22
I am not a jehovah witness like my mom so one day she told me she doesn't wanna know anything about my life. I'll never forget that
Image credits: anon
#23
Not showing compassion, and patience when their child makes a mistake.
Image credits: jamminjalepeno
#24
Having kids to 'plug the hole' in a life that feels incomplete.Having kids to 'tick the next box' after mortgage, car etc.
And the worst of all - having kids just to appease your partner when you don't want them (I'm not talking 60/40, I'm talking when it's 100/0).
Image credits: the_sun_gun
#25
Giving your child the shaft because of a romantic partner.
Image credits: G_Ram3
#26
Let things slide by saying its just a child?
Image credits: MutantGodfreaky
#27
Coke/Pepsi in a baby bottle. bonus points if it's given to the child along with an iPad.
Image credits: MasterXylophone
#28
Being emotionally unavailable to your child.
Image credits: calmanxiety88
#29
Leaving a set of twin babies in the Mercedes Benz with the windows up when the temp goes up to the mid 80s
Image credits: SpreadingPropaganda1
#30
Consistently picking up your young child late from preschool for no other reason than you were selfish and getting high.
Image credits: Ashamed_Style_8645
#31
Lying about strangers to get your kids to capitulate. Like "if that cop sees you making a fuss he'll put you under arrest" or like "You're annoying that man with that noise, better stop or he'll yell at you" etc#32
Kicking your kid out under any circumstances, unless they’re a criminal there should not be a reason for you to kick them out with no where else to go, especially if they had just turned 18#33
People who can’t stand their kids and don’t enjoy being around them.#34
Coming from someone who used to be abused as a young child, severe flinching from parents. Ig some flinching is normal if a hand comes out of nowhere very quickly but if a parent so much as raises their hand and the child full body flinches, that's very strange. I used to flinch very bad when I was being abused, still do but not full body trying to get away type flinching. Also if the child looks panicked if the parent seems to get aggravated#35
No proper car seats
Image credits: dkeethler
#36
When you finally realise that neither of your children has spoken to you for over a decade and when you (finally) get a phone call from one of them, in response to your complaint that "I have two children and neither of them talk to me", that child says "I f****n wonder why, mother"There are several important clues here:
1. both children don't talk to you (so it's not just a "personality" thing)
2. both children have already told you too times what you were doing wrong but it just didn't sink in and and now they've given up explaining it to you.
3. they've stopped calling you "mom" - and when you sit down and think back you realise that they stopped calling you that at age 10 and now you simply get called by the legally correct "mother"
Image credits: someothercrappyname